One Liners

Tad looked up from the book on ancient history he was reading and asked his father, "Pop, what's a millennium?"
"Well," he muttered, "I think it's something like a centennial, only it has more legs!"

"How is your daughter's marriage working out?"
"Fine. Of course, she can't stand her husband but then there's always something, isn't there?"

Son: Where are the Himalayas?
Father: If you'd put things away, you'd know where to find them.

"Can I go outside and watch the solar eclipse?" asked Rupert.
"Okay," replied his father, "but don't stand too close."

Father: Don't you think our son gets his brains from me?
Mother: Probably, dear. I still have all of mine.

Young Bobby was being fitted for glasses, and his father, standing beside him, said, "Now, remember, son. Don't wear them when you're not looking at anything."

"Papa, who was Hamlet?"
"You birdbrain! Bring me the Bible and I'll show you who he was."

"Dad, do you believe in Buddha?" "Why, of course, but I think margarine is just as good."

"Dad, why do you write so slow?" asked Dennis. "I have to," replied his father. "I'm a slow reader."

Whalen: I hate to tell you this, Mr. Reed, but your son's a moron!
Reed: What! Where is that young good-for-nothing? I'll teach him to join a fraternity without consulting me!

Doting Mother: I'm so proud of Genevieve. She's taking both Algebra and French!
Genevieve, darling, say Good morning in Algebra for Mrs. Sizemore.

"My son's a kleptomaniac." "That's wonderful! Where is his office?''

"Grandpa, why don't you drink tea anymore?"
"I don't like it ever since that tea bag got stuck in my throat."

"I gotta 'A' in spelling," Tony told his father.
"You dope!" he replied. "There isn't any 'A' in 'spelling'!"

Did you hear about the dumb father who returned from lunch and saw a sign on his door, "Back in 30 minutes," so he sat down to wait for himself?

Son: What is an autobiography?
Father: Er, the story of an automobile.

"Luke, how does yore daughter like bein' newly hitched to that soldier boy?"
"Real fine. Just this morning she wrote to the army for his favorite recipes."

Back | Top | Next Joke